Police Brutality, Lynching, and Higher Education (the modern day trauma)

I swear my heart hurts so bad write now but writing is currently my therapy. I feel like I need to call on my ancestors and burn some sage in order to cleanse all the killing of black souls that have been happening in the last couple of years. I have a duty as a blogger to write how I feel along with reporting whats going on as an educator but a storyteller of the struggle.

I feel like ever since “The Election” of our new president the world has had there….as Paul Mooney would say….”the Nigga wake up call”! Everyone seems as if they are walking on eggshells just because at any moment the state of the nation can get really ugly, well technically it already has been ugly. American history was naver made for the minority. Politically our thoughts and ideas to better this country that lives of the idea of “manifest destiny”(which was a lie, and a scare tactic to come and rape, murder, and steal from native Americans buy saying it was Gods plan….was pretty fucked up) has never been welcomed either. We are reverting back to the 1950’s and Jim Crow era along with Bull Connor (aka Donald Trump) back tracking and promoting bullshit. Hate producing hate, racism producing racism, and shady politics promoting more shady politics.real-racism

Sometimes self care is the best care. Everything isn’t going the way it’s suppose to be in life sometimes and these last couple of months are trying times. People are in a mass sense of depression and worry. I pray for the state of the nation, I pray for the national government. I pray for all minorities that are willing to stand with each other in solidarity.

Even though I am a newly college graduate, I am still a black woman and that will never change. I can still get shot, raped, and arrested. I can have everything taken from me and still be told “you didn’t work hard enough….your being lazy”. Even though it took me 6 years to get a degree, I now have a $50,000 price tag by the federal government that I have to pay off too. Slavery can come in many forms, from the school to prison pipeline all the way to taking 10 years to get financially stable after going through undergrad, masters, and Ph.D. My black excellence matters but it took me almost half of my life being in my own skin to be able to love myself.

They tell you growing up that you can be anything that you want to be yet they make it 100% harder than anyone else. Well hopefully, times are going to change.


The tactics with police brutality in the last 20 years have been to me considered modern day trauma. We have to stand together no matter what! IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP!

Kid Cudi, Kanye West and Mental Health in the Black Community.

Ever since I lost my mother I have never been the same since. I know what it is like to go through depression and have to deal with trying to figure out how to express my pain. I had to go to school and work, feeling like I had to be forced into a place where mentally, I had to suppress the though of expressing how I feel through a difficult time. If anyone out there has lost a parent or close relative, then you know how hard the grieving process can be. I wanted to numb myself by drinking heavily to wonder “what if the world was to lose me?….would they even care?…have I left a mark on the world with my purpose?” basically wanting to commit suicide by curiosity. Feeling alone, out of place, and with the idea of being in a black woman in america “we are not suppose to cry nor show emotion.” I felt embarrassed to show that I am feeling like I am in pain. Not asking for help and being prideful because since I was a little girl feeling like I had no resources to ask for help. Yet in the African American community, we look to the great white Jesus to make sure that we can be healed from all the dangerous thoughts that can be in your mind when your by yourself when there is no one around you. But what happens next? Yet mental health and black people somehow in the community don’t mix.

disappointed lhha

Kid Cudi has had this struggle with mental health for years and has decided that he is going to take time out to be able to focus on his self care and his battle with depression along with other issues. Ever since I hear his first album I knew there was something going on. Self medication, deep thoughts of loneliness, and suppressing the thought of suicide are just some things that I hear from him in his music. I am proud of Kid Cudi, and I hope he gets the help he needs, also with him coming out to the world about his issues with mental health, discussions are being made among the African American community about battles of mental health and self care, especially among African American men.


Now here comes Kanye West, we laugh at him, call him a coon, and shake our head because he is like the cousin in your family that can’t get right. When he came to my hometown Sacramento California for his St.Pablo tour, he was late and cut the concert short as hell. He had a good 15 minute rant about everyone in pop culture including president Obama, him being broke still and getting no help from his “actual” celebrity friends, and him along with Kid Cudi being aliens. Well Sacramento didn’t take it to well and the next day everyone was saying “Fuck Kanye” and even the local radio boycotting his music by not playing it on the station. Then he goes and cancels the rest of the tour dates and then ends up in the hospital as well all in less than 24 hours.

giphy kayne real

Yet we forget that his mother died November 10th, he had to go on tour right after and numbed the pain by going on tour and preforming all over the world, like a fucking circus monkey.He was suppose to die in that car accident, and he knows it as well as admitted it too! He ended up pushing all of this fear, frustration, and pain into albums, tours, and various other things. Yet entertaining all of us, and us as consumers buying into the bullshit with rose colored glasses though social media memes and TMZ. With his rant….it was sad, it was crazy, and it was upsetting. Yet he’s pretty much been crying out for help for years now, we as consumers along with mainstream media have brushed it off and screamed “Fuck You Kanye….dance nigga…dance”. Marie-laveau-amen

I am not favoring both sides of the situation at all. But at the same time, he needs help. He needs to stop and grieve through everything and get help. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to finally say “Hey, I need help. And I am scared, yet I feel like it’s time”.

All Lives Matter vs. Black Lives Matter

Why can’t we have our own shit! Yup I said it, and I’ll say it again.Why can’t we have out own shit. I feel like this phrase “Black Lives Matter” makes people who are non-white uncomfortable. I swear this is something that we should be able to have. What is the problem? No seriously, what is the problem because as an educator I have learned children don’t see color, yet for black children there is that one moment in there life with other children when they learn who they are because there classmate making a joke, a slur, or a goofy drawing that mentions there identity. In other words this is where this starts the concept (TO ME) the young scholars “black experience”. It bothers me that I can’t go down the street without being cussed out by a white man for wearing a shirt that says “Black Kids Matter, What’s Your Purpose?”. I am a African American female who works in a low income school district with the majority of my children in my class being black or brown. So what do you expect me to feel when I see black children and teens getting harassed by the police or murdered? Okay so like I was saying black kids do matter lol!

Yes all lives do matter, but at the same time right now at this very moment black lives matter because ever since we were kidnapped from our motherland of Africa, sent off to various parts of the Americas and the Caribbean, and forced to to labor work among white Europeans who would beat, rape, and kill us because of various ridiculous reasons we have never mattered. EVEN THOUGH we built the white house!

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As a community we are tired of being sick and tired but we do have a lot of issues in the community. We are not perfect yet we will stand for each other because that is in out nature. Like my granny use to say “all ya skin folk aint ya kin folk” and sadly I believe that is so true. Some black people don’t agree with the concept of black lives matter, and I understand there reasons why. That doesn’t change my view lol. Yet in this day and age we need to say basically the affirmation “BLACK LIVES MATTER” to keep moving forward because it seems like society is moving backwards.

I swear saying all lives matter is like a fire truck putting the water on every other house in the neighborhood but the house that is burning!

Stop saying “Well what about Black on Black crime”!

I am so sorry that I took a super hiatus from you ladies and gents but I have to come back out of my rabbit hole. I told myself that I would watch what I say but FUCK IT my goal on this blog is to represent the people who want to speak up but can’t.


shit omg

Stop saying “All Lives Matter” when in all actuality they don’t unless you have “the complexion for the protection”, in other words white privilege. Right now black lives do matter, we are the ones that are being killed, raped, and incarcerated. We are the ones that have gentrification happening in neighborhoods that have a predominantly black and Hispanic populations with rich culture and history. We are the ones that have young black men and women who are not making it to see 18 let alone making it to see there first day of college because of gang violence and police brutality. We are the ones that lost all of are rich culture and history because of the slave trade that broke up our families and communities, broke up history of the diaspora that come from west, central, and south Africa, and put us in a inner generational trauma and a serious case of post traumatic slave disorder on a whole forced enslaved culture that is displaced still to this day. We as a people are tired of trying to fit into spaces that we obviously don’t fit in. We are tired of people taking a culture that we have worked so hard to create because of the lack of teaching in k-12 education about who we really are as a people before the forced enslavement.


I am tired. I am sick and tired of all of this shit! I get it, white people will never understand the trauma that we as a African diaspora have went through but shit can you stop acting like we are overreacting! I am sorry, but I will never understand what it will be like being born with “the invisible knapsack of white privilege” because even if I have a chance of making it to this somewhat overrated idea of “the american dream” I will still be reminded that I am a Black woman who will always be at the lower end of the pole of the intersection of race, class, and gender.

Even with my college degree I will never be equal with my white female counterparts. I will be told that I “look better with straight hair” because my big curly red afro is “unprofessional” and “distracting”. I will be compared to TV and social media stereotypes that are portraying women of color in a wrong light and always have to hear “you are really pretty for a brown skin/dark skin girl”. I will still be trying to deal with the obsession of my curves and unique skin tone that was blesses and sun-kissed by God, yet still being told that European beauty standards is what is considered truly beautiful.

We are targets, we have always been targets. I swear every time I hear about someone who has been killed by police brutality my heart get heavy. Right now its time to educate ourselves and stand together and support each other.

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What grinds my gears #1: the concept of “White Student Unions”


cultural appropration 1Now I am only going to write about this one time and one time only. Over the last couple of weeks there has been a outcry from many students of color on PWI campuses (which for some of you who don’t know, these are private/public white institutions). There has been an issue with safety on campus, requesting more professors and staff of color, and even more classes on racial diversity. My issue is, If we don’t feel safe and have been saying that then someone in the administration has been doing one of two things, 1.) hears the concerns of students but because of funding (either federal or state) doesn’t want to address the issue or want to care, or 2.) has seen the issue and concern of students, wants to help address the issue, but yet because of politics going on in the administration, can’t do anything about it!

That’s why on campus we establish organizations like Black Student Union, African Student Association, The Divine Nine (which are the nine predominately African American fraternities and sororities), and other academic clubs on campus to bring awareness as well as a community on campus for the representation of the Pan-African diaspora on campuses all over the nation. These clubs give black students a chance to come together and find a community within a bigger community that most of the time doesn’t except us. These organizations are our safe spaces, places where we can go and vent out our frustrations, issues, and concerns being students of color. We build our own social networks within each other by asking about classes that people have taken, events going on campus, and even finding people to study with or even hang out with.

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So when I found out that these same universities are creating “White Student Unions” for white students to gain solidarity and feel like the have a community on campus, I felt really baffled and confused. The majority of the white students on these campuses have social capital (what this means is either social or economic benefits that come from preferential treatment and/or cooperation between individuals or a group). They can sit in a class and see someone that looks like them, they can join various organizations and not have an issue with membership because they either know someone or have the financial gain, and by the time they graduate college they might be able to earn a career because they have gained enough social capital that they can walk into a career. Now not all white people have this but the majority do. I feel like this is another way of cultural appropriation to be honest. As black students, we have to work twice as hard and also deal with being in places of higher education.

Do I agree with the concept of “White Student Unions”? Nope I don’t, and I don’t think I ever will.Do I agree that the “White Student Union” is needed? Hell no! I feel that it’s just another attempt for white students to cry out white tears about an issue that they can’t understand nor will they ever understand. They have there own organizations and things to make them feel like they belong as students. And to be honest, the idea of “a few rotten apples can spoil the bunch” totally applies when it comes to the attempt to create “White Student Unions”.

707f6dec487b64c79d5b6ec07a867c6e at least you tried