Ever since I lost my mother I have never been the same since. I know what it is like to go through depression and have to deal with trying to figure out how to express my pain. I had to go to school and work, feeling like I had to be forced into a place where mentally, I had to suppress the though of expressing how I feel through a difficult time. If anyone out there has lost a parent or close relative, then you know how hard the grieving process can be. I wanted to numb myself by drinking heavily to wonder “what if the world was to lose me?….would they even care?…have I left a mark on the world with my purpose?” basically wanting to commit suicide by curiosity. Feeling alone, out of place, and with the idea of being in a black woman in america “we are not suppose to cry nor show emotion.” I felt embarrassed to show that I am feeling like I am in pain. Not asking for help and being prideful because since I was a little girl feeling like I had no resources to ask for help. Yet in the African American community, we look to the great white Jesus to make sure that we can be healed from all the dangerous thoughts that can be in your mind when your by yourself when there is no one around you. But what happens next? Yet mental health and black people somehow in the community don’t mix.
Kid Cudi has had this struggle with mental health for years and has decided that he is going to take time out to be able to focus on his self care and his battle with depression along with other issues. Ever since I hear his first album I knew there was something going on. Self medication, deep thoughts of loneliness, and suppressing the thought of suicide are just some things that I hear from him in his music. I am proud of Kid Cudi, and I hope he gets the help he needs, also with him coming out to the world about his issues with mental health, discussions are being made among the African American community about battles of mental health and self care, especially among African American men.
Now here comes Kanye West, we laugh at him, call him a coon, and shake our head because he is like the cousin in your family that can’t get right. When he came to my hometown Sacramento California for his St.Pablo tour, he was late and cut the concert short as hell. He had a good 15 minute rant about everyone in pop culture including president Obama, him being broke still and getting no help from his “actual” celebrity friends, and him along with Kid Cudi being aliens. Well Sacramento didn’t take it to well and the next day everyone was saying “Fuck Kanye” and even the local radio boycotting his music by not playing it on the station. Then he goes and cancels the rest of the tour dates and then ends up in the hospital as well all in less than 24 hours.
Yet we forget that his mother died November 10th, he had to go on tour right after and numbed the pain by going on tour and preforming all over the world, like a fucking circus monkey.He was suppose to die in that car accident, and he knows it as well as admitted it too! He ended up pushing all of this fear, frustration, and pain into albums, tours, and various other things. Yet entertaining all of us, and us as consumers buying into the bullshit with rose colored glasses though social media memes and TMZ. With his rant….it was sad, it was crazy, and it was upsetting. Yet he’s pretty much been crying out for help for years now, we as consumers along with mainstream media have brushed it off and screamed “Fuck You Kanye….dance nigga…dance”.
I am not favoring both sides of the situation at all. But at the same time, he needs help. He needs to stop and grieve through everything and get help. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to finally say “Hey, I need help. And I am scared, yet I feel like it’s time”.